1 07 2008

Yesterday I met him for dinner. We carry a lot of baggage between us.. Random people stories, understanding more than most of the rest of the world, and an innate ability to put it all together, intertwined with stories, distant thoughts, conclusions. He is the kind of person that when you ask him a question where people would answer “a lot” he actually sits down to calculate it.. I’m the kind of person that uses extreme behaviors to prove that she is in control..

And that same fear is what kept me stuck in relationships with people that were not good for me. Because if I was “better” than them at something, they would never leave me… Thank God I found Eli, and the few months we were together gave me the clarity to see these things, the strength to overcome them.

Today I went to a therapist. A new one. One that mentioned for a moment that I might be bipolar, but then after talking to me for another hour, decided that the problem was my father. One who asked me to relax, and to make a to do list ( a real one) and to not worry about what probably won’t happen.

Things have gotten out of hand recently. The constant worries in my head, that don’t even let me sleep, that hold me back form enjoying Sundays with my friends, and are about nothing in particular. They need to stop. I need to stop.

I don’t know if things will work out with this guy. He gets me, and I get him..
But for now all I can do is have fun, and learn, and listen, and wait.. And take a million pictures in between.

Here is a pic of my two girls.. That although they fight constantly, they can’t stand to be apart, and even sleep together..

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