Currently, and without reservations

11 08 2008


I finally made it out of NYC, after being stuck in a storm of no flights for what seemed like two days… I have had two weeks vacation, and a lot of time to do some soul searching. I visited the most important holy sites for many religions, partied in Tel Aviv until the morning, traveled through the desert, almost missed all of my flights and re-established my priorities. Between all that, I read this article in a magazine:

“Everything, Every thing, sooner or later falls apart and washes away with the tide. The wisest way to hold something is with an open palm. To treat each precious moment as if it is the most important thing in the universe, while also knowing that it is no more important than the moment that comes next.”

These words helped me get through last weekend..

In my day to day, and in what I think is a subconscious effort to preserve balance, I don’t really deal with situations, responsibilities, emotions. I hide, ignoring them until they either disappear or become an unbearable burden. When we experience something our brain creates an imprint, a series of keywords associated with a feeling, a set of reactions applicable to a situation. As we grow older, our collection of imprints becomes larger, more varied, and in turn it becomes our reference library, the place we go to when we encounter a new situation.

I met a guy about a month ago. He has shifted my perception in a way I never thought possible. He has written me poems, cooked me dinner, held my hand, called me from the other end of the world, and inspired me in every single way. He left me today, only for a little while, to go back to Greece. A trip I always knew about, and one that will take a hundred times more than what it should.

But it was still extremely hard to leave him at the airport terminal, caught up in my own uncertainty, barely awake. Every second I spent with him, since the beginning, but mostly this weekend, I keep in a special place in my heart. From the train ride to the hotel, to the surprise Broadway show, to the dinners, drinks, conversations, smiles and kisses we shared.

Something I wouldn’t have been able to do before, he makes me relax in an instant. Just his presence around me, his stories, the curiosity in his eyes when he is looking at me, immediately take the anxiety away. As much as I wish he was here, I wouldn’t change our situation. Because I know that I perform best when I am surrounded by challenges, when I see how my actions can change the outcome to obtain what I want. So not only will I work harder, but I will focus my energy in what really matters, in what makes me happy…

The trip was intense, powerful, humbling. I have over 5,000 pictures, so I will add a bit every day.

Here is to traveling, and hope, and longing…

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