Sunday Faves…

23 11 2009

Because Friday was spent with sushi and drinks 😉

Click the pics for the links…

Moss Ornaments
So getting these for my tree

Freedom of Choice
Because they fit amazingly well…

wtfwjd
Because I think this is hilarious

Modern Family Tree
These would make even my family tree look good…

Clock
They are sooo going to be on my Christmas/Chanukkah wish list…

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Because I was 20 minutes late…

16 11 2009

I look around, barely seeing what is there, rushing through the morning rituals of imported and over sweetened coffee, and showers that are always too cold, and being late one more time.

My plan to wake up early enough to have a decent breakfast for a change, has failed, and if I could only wake up when I am supposed to, well, maybe I would feel better.

Sophie is crying, and refusing to go outside, as if she shared with me the feeling of wanting to stay under the warm blankets for a few more hours. Laundry stares at me from the corner, and I still need to get those jeans hemmed.

Coffee. Where is the coffee, and did I take my vitamins? I need to get more film and more apples. At least the gym bag is already packed.

I am trying to swim out of the fog of sleeping late and too much wine and calls to the other end of the world. Maybe this living in two time zones I’ve been doing for the past 5 years is catching up. Or maybe it was that extra drink I had Saturday. Either way, I am still late, and tired, and the alarm is still screaming somewhere.

And my car keys are nowhere to be found.

The crisp autumn wind comes in through the door, and while it fills the house with possibility, it takes me back to his stories. I stop, and listen, and feel him close even though he is a million miles away.  My eyes get slowly filled with tears, and right then I decide to leave the memories of him in a drawer, and I take a sweater instead.





Friday Faves

13 11 2009

Fashion Icon
I know someone that would love this poster 😉

Text
I couldn’t have said it better

Fake
I love this print

7
I am so inspired to make something

Dubai
I so want to go back





I am one of the lucky ones.

11 11 2009

“A man’s reputation is what other people think of him; his character is what he really is.”


DSC_0094edvin

My strength is not a direct result of caring, encouraging parents, but rather of years of uncertainty and questions, of tears and loneliness and risks, of realizing at a very young age that the only one that could take care of me was, well me.

I’ve spent a lot of time, and therapy hours, trying to understand who I am and how I want to live my life.  My life experiences have brought me here, and I try to see the negative ones as the path to become the person I want to be. Because of this, not many people know what was really going on.  For example, I’ve had people criticize the way I have distanced myself from my parents, how I talk, or not talk, to them.

Most of the time, these questions are based on what they have seen. They don’t know the background story. And life has taught me that when the intentions are good, I must open my heart and listen. But sometimes, people perceive things about me that are not part of my reality, but merely a reflection of their insecurities.

Recently I’ve had to deal with people judging me based on assumptions. These are girls I know, one more than the other, rather well. And yes, I know they have, like everyone, issues, doubts, insecurities. But they have projected them towards me, judging me, making assumptions, telling others, cutting contact. And you know what? it sucks.

I know that I can be, not only overwhelming, but intimidating at times. I am strong, driven, and have my own set of rules. And sometimes this is, subconsciously, seen as a threat. Your brain is following a primal reaction; sending subtle messages of threat, do not trust. But this happens to everyone, it is our conscious that determines the validity of those signals. Now, when insecurities, doubts, frustrations, and jealousy are filters through which our conscious perceives those signals, our opinion on the matter is not real, or at least it is not in agreement with our collective reality.

When I learned about what they were saying, of what they though of me, I was very surprised. In both situations their opinion of me changed completely based on events that never took place. I don’t usually care much what others might think of me, as you probably realized by now, I’ve been dealing with situations like these my whole life. But these are girls I really liked, girls that I felt comfortable with, and whose friendship was something I really enjoyed because I could see the potential of us becoming really close. And here they are, judging my character without even giving me the benefit of the doubt, without hearing my side of the story.  That made me question how important was our friendship for them. I struggled with this, because, well, it hurt me a little.

I talked to one of them a week ago, a chance encounter, and I explained my side, told her how important her friendship was for me, and left it at that. I have also learned that I can’t change how a person thinks, acts, or what they want. I can only control how I react to it. We are fine, but there will always be an underlying layer of what happened. I hope she can look past it and we can be friends again.

The other girl, well, I don’t even know if I should. It seems that she has formed an opinion of my character, based on 4 or 5 facts, which she feels strongly about. I don’t want any hard feelings, anyone feeling betrayed, upset, disappointed by things that I didn’t do, for stories they heard from 4th persons. I can only hope we have the opportunity to clear things out, even if she sticks to her opinion of me.  Because that would be fair, for both of us.

Like I said, life has brought me here after all, and I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But I have no regrets; I’ve learned my lessons. I guess I really am one of the lucky ones.





Friday Faves…

6 11 2009

Waiting
retro whale has an amazing blog and an even better etsy shop.

poster
Lovely Poster

Dress
Lovely Dress

First Aid Kit
Saw this in San Francisco last month, but the thought of carrying it all over a very busy Chinatown stopped me from getting it. So happy to find it online.

Doggie Scarf
The cutest doggie clothes ever!!





Goals, because I might forget…

5 11 2009

I started taking a class, about blogging and scrapbooking… I know, I know, I barely have time. But, see, I’ve slowly learned that you have time for what you make a priority. There is always time. I mean, I live alone, with a very tiny dog, and work is, well, kinda slow. And besides, I read somewhere that to really master everything, you need to spend at least 10,000 hours doing it. So if I want to learn to prioritize, I better get going…
New class

Goals, in no specific order…
1. Write more often, write better. About everything, life, plans, ideas, lovers, hangovers… Because honestly, I have a million stories to tell.
2. Workout consistently. Because when I do I let all the stress out, because it makes me stronger, because it keeps me sane.
3. Pay more attention. Because we all know focusing is not one of my strengths.
4. Keep learning. About myself, about others, about life. And put those lessons to good use.
5. Be more organized. Because well, it is never fun losing your keys for the 20th time this week.
6. Remember to breathe.

So, now that I have made clear what I want to do, I just need to figure out how to do it consistently. I am sure that like all my lists, this one will continue growing over the next few months. The plan is to be ready, for when the year ends, for when the unexpected happens, for capturing the good memories, for when boys need to be forgotten, for when the weather gets colder, for when a new love walks in..





Doesn’t mind carrying a few choice pieces of baggage so she has a conversation starter in almost any social situation

1 11 2009

Baggage

I drink too much coffee. I miss too many people. I say too many swear words. I laugh at too many inappropriate things and keep quite when I shouldn’t. I personalize songs all the time. I spend too much time online. I’m not as good as I should be. I could be a better person, sister, friend, artist, student, than I am. I rarely exercise. I never finish my to do lists. I refuse to be bored. I get angry too fast. I skip breakfast often. I am not so good at taking my own advice. I like too many things. I have an insane crush on Anderson Cooper. I am complicated and funny and smart. I do not like sleeping alone. I want to travel the world. I have to brush my teeth if I wake up at night. I am impulsive. I’d rather get burned than not try. I spend too much time cultivating my vices. I talk too fast. I am constantly looking for answers. I am not a patient person. I want a man who smiles when he talks about me. I wish my brain had a map to tell me where my heart should go. I take too many pictures. I am passionately curious. I am constantly falling in love with stories and reasons and airports.  I struggle with uncertainty, and I believe that a life without wine is not worth living. I am a collector. I’m a little bruised, slightly broken and permanently scarred, but I’m still here, aren’t I? I’m still fighting; I’m still waking up everyday to go through it all over again. And I know there is someone out there looking for someone just like this.