because sometimes we need to let go

24 07 2009

Today I came across this post.. I’ve been reading her blog for years…but this one has brought up a million feelings regarding this subject. Anger, worry, understanding, and ultimately, the realization that maybe I am the one that needs to let go…

This is part of what I wrote to her:

“my mom is what you call crazy, but the real kind, in hospitals all the time, meds, mood swings, blah blah.. and I have always harbored, I’m afraid to admit, a certain level of resentment, of anger… “Why can’t she snap the fuck out of it”, I would think when I was younger… through the years, I’ve come to understand her better, I’ve come to develop a connection, almost as deep as what we had before she, well, “cracked”… but the way you put it, the way you describe it, is the most beautiful way of explaining what probably went on in her head, so many years ago, and how she sees her life right now… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart… not the hundreds of books, or therapy sessions, or even a failed attempt of a grad degree in Neurobiology could ever make me feel at ease with what was “wrong” with her… I always worried, always searched for a way to “fix” her… but, maybe it is like you say, maybe this is what she decided was best for her, maybe, she really is happier, or at the very least, much happier than what she ever was…”

Thank you dear, for, almost unknowingly, helping my soul heal… May you feel better in no time.